When I was young I dreamt of inventing all the things already invented. I redesigned microcomputers in my head, I invented clocks on the paper and I thought about building my own car with my bare hands. My inventions would have been better, faster, cleaner, more economic.
Later I became a mechanic to build large engines. I learned how to use my hands and my brain to build something solid and functional. Now I had the capacity to construct something and fix the world. But what is to fix in the world? It is the nature we have to adapt to not the technology.
Therefore, I became a biologist to understand the nature of human being. At the first glance it seems easy to understand. There are cells, which are the power plants of the organism. The cells of an organism work hand in hand and they know what to do, when to react and why to engage. But finally, I learned that you might be able to understand how brain cells work, but not how thoughts are created. In other words you can understand how a microprocessor works and functions but not what the program does. So what is it good for to be a biologist?
I had to study the social and cultural nature of humans. I learned about the diversity in social interactions and cultural understanding. I sensed that most of our affections and aversions are cultural and social. We are only agreeing on a specific social construct in order to be part of our cultural entity. Our cultural beliefs are putting limits on our thoughts, creativity and opportunities. We might not feel it because we are used to the situation and accept these restrictions, but this does not mean it is the whole truth. Here did start my philosophical way of life, I had to think about the whole human universe in a much larger context.
I became a philosopher. Not a studied one, I am not an academic anymore but I am a scientist who studies the topics in detail. I understood that all is one. It begins in the material world of atoms and even smaller particles. The energy which creates them is the real source of everything. It creates the fundamental particles, which create the protons, electrons and neutrons and all the physical and natural forces. The combination of these elements create the atoms of all elements. Only minor differences are imprinting specific characteristics. The chemical character of atoms of elements vary extremely throughout the periodic system of elements. These individual specialities are producing the variety of the material world. Specific energetic combinations are preferred and represented over and over again. The reaction of some elements produce tremendous amounts of heat energy. Stars were born. Stable compositions make the circling planets and trabants. There are gases, fluids and solids in various combinations. Somehow the elements find a stable connection which creates organic matter. The base of the biological world is made out of the same matter as the inorganic world. Biological matter creates organisms which defend themselves against the natural destructive forces. These efforts allowed them to save energy for further development. The next level of energetic appearance is represented in the social relationships between organic systems. They interact, cohabit, parasite and share energy. This new model of energetic appearance is the first without a material representation. Born out of the social interaction animals are producing an artificial world. Culture is the result of social community. The further we’d have social ideas the more we invent cultural identities. We are inventing religions, technologies, artificial intelligences and many more. But all these insights and philosophical ideas are not what life is. What is life good for?
All along my way through the meandering discoveries of science I was entangled in meditative spiritual encounters. The chaotic and turbulent insights were balanced by mind relaxing meditations. No-thinking gave me more insight into the world’s being than studying the details of biology, chemistry, anthropology or philosophy. These disciplines are helping to calm my socialized rationale, but not my heart and not my inner feelings. I felt most united with my world being when I was bodily active in nature, not thinking, not worrying, not planning. Just being. Be part of the whole one and accept that there is nothing to understand. There is nothing to learn or to construct. All there is is being, living, existing. I am the scientist of my life and I experience every day in a new light. A new star rises every morning and so I bed myself as a new person each night.